Team DoF vs. Believers in the Process & Chuck
DoF: Flank, Nicki, Josh, Zach
Believers: Charlie, Fox, Ken, Jarrett
Events:
5,000m
Results
DoF: 464.5 pts
Believers: 433.25 pts
Ken (Believers): 17:23 (11/21) 436 pts
Jarrett (Believers): 17:48 (11/21) 383 pts
Charlie (Believers): 16:54 (11/21) 502 pts
Josh (DoF): 17:47 (11/21) 384 pts
Flank (DoF): 15:50 (11/24) 665 pts
Nicki (DoF): 18:18 (11/25) 809 pts
Zach (DoF): DNS 0 pts
The Final Countdown: Zurich Preview
Well gang, we made it. After months of training, two meets, and you all collectively ignoring most of my texts in the group chat, we’ve reached the final competition of the Copper League’s inaugural season. While the team battle will remain uncontested (Remember when I claimed BitP&C would sweep? Idiot.), there are several exhilarating storylines to peak intrigue as we all run for glory one last time this year.
Storyline One: Zach vs. Josh’s 19:41: Hey remember when Josh ran 19:41? I do. You want to know how I remember? It happened in August which really isn’t that long ago! Since that performance, which in hindsight is about as impressive as Jarrett’s accomplishments while drinking alcohol, Elkan has pulled a 10:14 and 4:54 out of his staggeringly large ass. Meanwhile, Zach has come a long way from essentially not being a runner in any sense of the word to now the remnants of a former runner trying to relive his glory days through diligent and devoted training. His two Copper League efforts thus far are nothing to turn your nose at, and it is absolutely in the realm of possibility that he can best his best friend’s effort, and truly put to shame Elkan’s already wildly shameful 19:41.
Storyline Two: Josh Elkan and his staggeringly large ass vs. Mel Tramontina’s PR of 17:34.86: Coming into the race, Josh claims he thinks sub 18 would be a good effort and 17:45 would be a great day. Excuse me for not believing the guy who didn’t think he’d run sub 11 before running 10:14 can run faster than he predicts. As alluded to above in the most disrespectful way possible, Elkan’s fitness has greatly improved during the fall. Despite these improvements, most of his better workouts are coming at lower volumes, and 5,000 meters could once again prove to be too long a race for our lumbering friend. While the Mel Tramontina of 2015 may not possess the footspeed of present day Josh (May not? Josh ran 4:54, Mel ran 4:55 for a 1500 just a few weeks before her 5k PR), strength will be on her side. Josh is absolutely talented enough to push for a time in the 17:20s, and should come away from Zurich with a better time than his old pal Mel, but if he doesn’t, you’ll all be glad I wrote this as a storyline so we can make fun of him for his failures.
Storyline Three: The rematch between Team Blue Wave and Team Please Don’t Break up with me Nicki: For those of you who may have forgotten, at the beginning of the summer, Flank and I teamed up to race Jarrett and Charlie over 5k. Despite some big talk (Alex Fox? Talking smack? To Jarrett? NO WAY!), the two seniors managed to beat the two freshmen (Alex Fox’s unprovoked smacktalk blowing up in his face? NO WAY!). I had just started a new training block and ran in the 18:20s (too lazy to look it up) off of zero workouts. Flank ran like shit, not sure what his excuse was (I’m joking Flank, can’t wait to see you Saturday). Charlie had a solid day at the office, and Jarrett came through with a 17:51. This time around, things will be different. Although we will don separate jerseys (We didn’t get team uniforms for this iteration of the Copper League, so this is obvious. Should we continue with this league, team unis would be fun, just throwing it out there), I am much more invested in this team battle. 1) The team names are a far better representation of their members (except for Charlie, who got saddled with Jarrett’s crappy team name. Not the first time, not the last, but that’s the price of being friends with Jarrett) and 2) the team battle in the Copper League is all but over. Flank has proven his fitness both in Wakanda and Eagleton. I may still run like crap, I will not run in the 18:20s. I am rehashing this make believe rivalry because even when BitP&C lose this meet, I’ll still have bragging rights. I guarantee Flank and I will avenge our previous defeat. It’s not like me talking smack has ever backfired before.
Storyline Four: Flank vs. Joshua Cheptegei: Listen, I’m not saying it’s likely, but crazier things have happened! (A few examples: I accepted a job offer, Nicki agreed to marry Jarrett, Josh manages to fit a pair of non-sweatpants over that giant boulder he calls a butt at least once a month)
Storyline Five: Fox vs. the 17 minute barrier/Jarrett’s PR: It’s hard for me to gauge my fitness level right now. Some of my workouts have been real solid and have bolstered my confidence staring down this right of passage. Other efforts, specifically my races, have made me feel less optimistic. Before you all dismiss this as an opportunity for me to talk more shit to Jarrett, I’ll remind everyone that 9:57 for 3k (ran on September 8th of this year, wasn’t too lazy to look this one up) converts to 17:03.8 over 5k according to the IAAF scoring calculator. For all the mistakes I’ve made in my training and poor performances I’ve had on race day, I can confidently say I am in better shape than I was in early September and the longer race better suits my strengths as a runner.. Moreover, it looks like I’ll have a rabbit for at least some of the 5k in Georgia. It’s far from a guarantee, but I will go out in my 5k with the intention of running sub 17. Should I break it, I may never say another word or send another text that isn’t shit talk directed at my genuinely good friend and a person I genuinely admire, Jarrett Felix.
Storyline Six: Present-day Ken vs. Armory Kenny: You bet your ass the name difference was intentional. For any one of you who need reminding (certainly not Zach), Ken ran 17:47.81 at the famed Armory track in New York City. Unfortunately for Ken, and fortunately for all of us, the race was filmed and is available online. Anyone who watched the race live has their own retelling, but no one captures the mood quite like Kieran who recalls thinking “Why isn’t he just running faster?!?” while watching his then roommate. Of course, Ken ran 5200 meters, and some rough math puts his 5k time in the 17:05 range (Jarrett you can comment the real conversion below). The smart money is on Ken running somewhere between 17 low and 17:47, but let’s examine the circumstances of each race: Being a college athlete and having running be one’s primary focus? Advantage 2013 Kenny. Running the correct distance? (Probably) Present-day Ken. Bearing witness to Brendo do his patented one-jump warmup? Point Kenny with hair. It could go either way! Now I am confident that Ken runs faster than 17:47, but still, I wanted to write this. Sorry buddy, I had to make jokes at expense of someone other than Jarrett for a little.
Storyline Seven: Jarrett vs. Nicki: The big one. The only one we all actually care about. Man versus woman. Husband versus wife. Likeable and charming versus whatever Jarrett is. In the words of Bill Hader as Stefan, it has everything. We’re all rooting for Nicki except maybe Jarrett, so we know she has that going for her, but let’s break down the race a little more. Both Jarrett and Nicki are coming off an impressive string of workouts and it’s clear that not only are both in solid shape, but their fitness levels are close. Jarrett managed to squeak out a victory over the people’s champion by less than a second over 3,000 meters in Wakanda, and he had to do so in comeback fashion. In my opinion, the longer race gives Nicki a better chance of going earlier and breaking Jarrett so he isn’t within striking distance come the bell lap. Unfortunately, if Jarrett is able to remain close, he’s still got the closing speed to kick down just about anyone (**Josh flips the table remembering the 2013 Exit Mile) and it’s not beyond that weasel from sitting on his wife’s shoulder until he needs to kick. Josh will not be racing with our rivals this meet, meaning there will be one less person who can break Jarrett with 1,000 meters to go. I am confident in Nicki’s racing acumen and tenacity. Plus, although she’d never admit it, I bet she’s pissed about Wakanda. I got her winning by six seconds.
I hope you all enjoyed reading my previews for this and the first meet. Screw everyone for shooting down the DMR.
Team DoF vs. Believers in the Process & Chuck
DoF: Flank, Nicki, Josh, Zach
Believers: Charlie, Fox, Ken, Jarrett
Events:
Mile, 3000m
SMR
Event Assignments
Mile: Charlie (Believers), Flank (DoF), Fox (Believers), Josh (DoF), Ken (Believers)
3000m: Jarrett (Believers), Nicki (DoF), Zach (DoF)
Results
DoF: 593 pts
Believers: 456 pts
Flank (DoF): 4:30.46 (10/23) 733 pts
Jarrett (Belivers): 10:20.84 (10/24) 391 pts
Nicki (DoF): 10:21.69 (10/24) 849 pts
Ken (Believers): 4:55.8m (10/31) 484 pts
Charlie (Believers): 4:53.2 (10/31) 520 pts
Josh (DoF): 4:54.84 (10/31) 506 pts
Fox (Believers): 5:04.35 (10/31) 429 pts
Zach (DoF): 10:53.07 (11/1) 284 pts
SMR
DoF: Zach 32.64, Nicki 31.84 (26.42c), Josh 58.4, Flank 2:04.72 (4:07.6/4:02.18c)
Believers: Charlie 28.7, Jarrett 26.51, Ken 63.2, Fox 2:22.45 (4:20.86)
Team DoF vs. Believers in the process & Chuck
DoF: Flank, Nicki, Josh, Zach
Believers: Charlie, Luke, Ken, Fox, Jarrett
Events:
1k, 2k, 3k
4x400m
Event assignments will be randomly assigned. There must be at least one runner from each team in each event. Points will be assigned based on the IAAF points calculator: https://caltaf.com/pointscalc/calc.html
Event Assignments (August 22)
1,000m: Nicki (DoF), Charlie (Process), Jarrett (Process), Zach (DoF)
2,000m: Flank (DoF), Ken (Process), Luke (Process)
3,000m: Josh (DoF), Fox (Process)
Results (Updated as received beginning September 19)
DoF: 514.25 pts
Process: 437.4 pts
Zach (DoF) 3:18.40 (9/19) 185 pts
Flank (DoF) 5:50.98 (9/19) 683 pts
Luke (Process) 6:29.1 (9/20) 420 pts
Ken (Process) 6:21.46 (9/26) 468 pts
Josh (DoF) 10:14.91 (9/26) 412 pts
Charlie (Process) 2:52.35 (9/26) 491 pts
Jarrett (Process) 3:01.53 (9/26) 367 pts
Nicki (DoF) 3:07.37 (9/26) 777 pts
Fox (Process) 10:07.37 (9/26) 441 pts
4x400m
Believers: Charlie (59.51), Jarrett (57.9), Ken (61.93), Fox (68.45) - 4:07.79
DoF: Josh (58.46), Flank (58.1), Nicki (67.4/54.61c), Zach (73.94) - 4:17.9/4:05.11
For the first time, it’s that time of year again. With the Copper League debut just around the corner, Jarrett, with his usual lack of charisma or charm, previewed what is certain to be the most participated-in group event of 2020 for the people who are bored enough to be reading this sentence. Always the spineless waffler, Jarrett made very few concrete predictions, and his summaries were as fun to read as it is to prepare the night before a colonoscopy (everyone complains about the actual procedure, but having had one, the night before was absolute misery while I was unconscious for the actual camera up my end portion of the endeavour). For the first time of many, sorry Nicki. See, isn’t this already more entertaining that Jarrett’s drab musings? Before we get into event by event breakdowns, let’s set the stage:
Believers in the Process & Chuck: For those readers who have not been educated to the background of this team name, I’ll spare you the long version; the short version is us five were already in a group chat with this name and Jarrett unilaterally named our team without input. I would’ve liked to consider team names such as “What’s the call, Kenny?,” “Hooray Kenny!,” “Allstar Kenny W and the Wedges,” or “Team guttural sounds that Luke and I make.” While BitP&C lack a clear low-stick, we do carry impressive balance and can expect reasonable contributions from all team members. Whether he has run 4.5 miles or 45 miles in the past week, the freshly married Charlie Kline is going to perform. (Quick aside, but those of us who are unmarried need to seriously consider having casual weddings. Chuck looked absolutely stunning in his suit, and he will certainly compare favorably to any of us given his history of never looking unfit. Then all of a sudden our prospective brides-to-be start having second thoughts having seen Charlie in a suit compared to how we look. Before you know it, we all die alone) From the 400 through the 5k, we can count on Charlie’s natural talent and Vermont-grit to come through with a high scoring performance, and coming off a sub 17 5k, he’s the safe bet to lead the way. Luke Munyan is another high end talent, and while he certainly is not as husky as the Luke of yesteryear, a bothersome achilles has prevented Luke from pushing too hard over the past few months. If he can hold on and manage to compete at a high level, he’ll be a certain X-factor in the Copper League. If injuries catch up with him during harder efforts, BitP&C could be sunk. Kenny Wohl returned to running after his surgery faster than Brendo decided against continuing to jump at the starting line before the Armory 5k (that joke is for Elkan). Some impressive workout, an impressive 10:08 3k Time Trial in trainers, and Kenny is set out to have an impressive fall. I forgot how to use a thesaurus. While Jarrett has just recently begun a fresh training block, he does bring a resume that includes a sub 2:00 800 PR, the fastest marathon PR in the group, and being incredibly invested in these proceedings. Yes, I realize the irony of that statement given that I am writing this piece at this moment (Mike Birbiglia voice “I get that we’re all here now.”), but I joked about this very league with Jarrett months ago and he had already long been planning it, and now we’re just days away from actually doing it. That’s all I have to say about Jarrett. And that leaves me, Alex Fox. I made a joke at Luke’s expense earlier, so it’s only fair that I do the same for myself here: about 16 months ago, you were all asking yourselves “Who ate Fox?” That’s another standup comedy reference, this time Aziz Ansari. Anyway, my training journey is well documented and now I’m in a position to have, as Josh Elkan once opined, an impactful season. Unless of course Jarrett keeps making me run 400s for the relays, in which case, I quit.
DoF: I complained about how our team was named, but Christ, imagine being Flank or Nicki. They’re far and away the most important members of this team, and yet they have to run under the banner of giant ass and big giant ass (I’ll let you readers figure out which is which. Sorry Nicki). My complaints don’t hold a candle to their team name situation. Anyway, Flank is Flank, the only question is how Flank is Flank, and whether he’ll run when it’s 100 degrees in the middle of the day or just wait until the next morning. Here is my summary for Nicki:
She’s going to run fast regardless of the event, and apparently she makes a killer banana bread too? (For the record Jarrett, if Nicki gets her culinary skills in her strengths section on the player profiles, shouldn’t my lasagna go on there too? Or do I need to come down to Royersford, force feed you homemade lasagna, steal your laptop, edit my player profile, help clean up after dinner, and then accidentally leave my boat shoes at your house to get it done?) I’m already rambling a ton and I have yet to get to an actual event. Thank you if you’re still reading this. Zach and Josh are both woefully out of shape (and I have a great joke about Josh coming later, so keep reading!), but both have seemed to take the league’s formation in stride and are working diligently to not disappoint Nicki too much. Will they succeed? I hope not, passive-aggressive Nicki is truly a treasure. Almost like slightly buzzed, flat-out aggressive Hannah when she’s giving Luke the business about getting married. Onto the events!
1,000m: Jarrett, Charlie, and Nicki all running the same event? Wow, what are the chances of that? There’s no wayyyyyyyyyy Jarrett would’ve rigged his “random” assigner, which he created without telling us how, and utilized behind closed doors, to have this happen. This is low hanging fruit and we all know Jarrett isn’t cunning enough to have actually rigged this, but seriously, what are the chances? Jarrett, do the math, it is Wednesday after all (Stephen loves that joke). While Charlie’s forte isn’t necessary speed (it’s wearing a suit like a goddamn model, as I covered earlier), he isn’t slow. While the 2:52 goal seems fast (remember when Stephen ran 2:52.08 over the same distance at Kutztown? I don’t, I transferred by then), he’s coming off a 4:34 from late July, and hill sprints certainly don’t make you slower, and according to IAAF scoring, a 4:34 1500 is equivalent (500 points on the dot, way to go Chuck) to a 2:51.76. Actual analysis, who can believe it? Jarrett’s 4:49 1500 from the same Time Trial is far less impressive, and he certainly has gotten slower since then. While the 3 minute barrier should be on the table (Jarrett’s 4:49, which would net 374 points, is equivalent to a 3:00.98), the lack of speed work he’s done in the past weeks suggests he’ll be off that pace. As for Nicki, I’m fairly certain she’ll do whatever she sets her mind to. Jokes aside, she’s coming off some nice workouts, and while she too is early in her training block, the 1k should be short enough where her limited miles don’t prevent a high scoring output. Oh yeah, and Zach is running this. I was actually surprised with his 400 workout today, not even being sarcastic. He will have the disadvantage of going it alone, but once again, the shorter distance should help him from running a time that is so shameful he can never show his face at group gatherings again.
Predictions:
Charlie- 2:50.88-513 points
Jarrett- 3:06.21-310 points
Nicki- 3:15.71-688 points
Zach- 3:27.51- 113 points
2,000m: “....he’s even with the lights on the Monaco track as he comes off the turn with just 200 meters to run. He’s looking strong. We could be in store for something special tonight folks. With 150 to go, he’s surging! Onto the final straight, he’s got a determined look on his face as he strides towards the finish. He’s well clear of the lights now! Watch the clock!! 36,37,38,39...and he’s across what’s the final time?! 4:39.92!! He’s done it! We have a new world record in the 2000m run. Kenneth Wohl is the first man in history to break the 4:40 barrier, shattering Hicham El Guerrouj’s previous mark of 4:44.79! He embraces his training partner and lover, Alex Fox, who paced him for the first 13 meters before pooping pants (Sorry Nicki) as a result of trying to run that fast. And now the American must fly back to New York to finish his 5K at the Armory.”
Predictions:
Flank-6:09.40- 548 points
Luke-6:28.79-422 points
Ken-6:29.21-420 points
3,000m: In the most lopsided event of the meet, I go against Josh Elkan. While I run 70+ mile weeks, Josh picks up a marijuana habit and moves in with his lovely girlfriend who cooks for him. I like my chances. Josh was quite disappointed to be placed in the 3k, but to paraphrase my future mother-in-law, “But Barbara, which event is he qualified to do?” (that was the joke I mentioned earlier, you can stop reading now) I ran 9:57 recently in a race I’d say went okay. If I can find any warm body to help pace me, I think I could run at least marginally faster. I also made a few other mistakes like checking my watch three times on the final straight, having a 10 minute conversation with a stranger after warming up and finishing my strides so I was cold on the starting line, and going out in 35 seconds for the 200 meters. All should be correctable. Josh refuses to disclose the pace of his most recent workout, which makes me think it’s slower than the pace Luke Munyan would do a normal Wednesday afternoon run in the Spring of 2014. The only question about this race is if I coordinate with Sam and show up at the track where Josh is running the morning of and lap him before he finishes.
Predictions:
Fox- 9:52.75-498 points
Josh-11:11.34-231 points
4x400m Relay: For those of you doing the math at home (Jarrett), the score going into this relay is 2,163 to 1,580 in favor of BitP&C if my predictions are correct. Wow, really fair teams you assembled there commissioner. BitP&C need a victory in this first meet, as Flank and Nicki will only get faster and score higher, Zach and Josh work themselves into presentable shape, while us mediocre athletes plateau scoring wise. I have no idea how this relay will be scored (does IAAF have mixed scoring for relays?) but here’s what I think everyone will run.
Predictions:
DoF: Nicki-67.11,Flank-58.94, Zach-76.67,Josh-65.23: 4:27.95
BitP&C: Charlie-63.61, Jarrett-65.28, Luke-64.39, Ken, 64.04, Fox-65.27 haha Jarrett: 64.52 average, 4:18.07
Man, we all used to be so much faster.
Start List
Nicki, DoF
Charlie, Believers
Jarrett, Believers
Zach, DoF
Oddsmakers
Charlie vs. The Field (+12 seconds)
Nicki vs. The Field (+210 points)
Each of the following are even odds:
Zach vs. 2014 Muhl Indoor Scott Reutter (3:27.94)
Charlie vs. 2014 Muhl Indoor Zach (2:52.26)
Nicki vs. 2014 Muhl Centennial Conference Scott Reutter (3:17.74)
Jarrett vs. Haverford's Jeff Ainsley's PR (3:04.55)
Narrative
Look, there's a lot to talk about in this event. For starters, it has four competitors which makes it the most crowded event in the Eagleton Copper League despite it being the shortest distance. Plus, it is the shortest event meaning that every second will loom large in the final points tally. I'm not sure any of these athletes truly prepared their bodies for the rigors of a short, speed based event like this and, ultimately, it is going to be hard for any of them to exceed their preseason point projections at 5k. The competition could swing on the 1,000 meters.
There is more than one major barrier in play here. Will Zach exceed 100 points? He needs to get to 3:29.48 to do it. Will Charlie break Zach's PR? It's something he is using as motivation as he visuals Eagleton. Will Nicki best her indoor 1k PR? The time of 3:12.34 looms as a very lofty mark, but if she can even get within sniffing distance, it means 700+ points. Will Jarrett break the 3 minute barrier? No.
It's a cat and mouse game as Zach chases Nicki, Nicki chases Jarrett, Jarrett chases Charlie and Charlie wonders if he will get the chance to race someone who can actually push him in a race. I mean that odds said he would get one of Fox, Ken, Luke or Flank, right?
Ultimately, when trying to gauge how well everyone did on race day, it's important to remember not to focus too much on times (regardless of slow some of us look in a 1k). The key result in this event will be whether or not Zach and Nicki average out to more points than Charlie and Jarrett. If that doesn't happen, it may be the end of Team DoF's hopes for stealing Week One.
Start List
Ken, Believers
Flank, DoF
Luke, Believers
Oddsmakers
Flank (-18) vs Field
Luke (-3) vs. Ken
Narrative
In the rarely run 2,000m, there are really two races happening within the one event. The first, is Team DoF's top male performer in Flank against the clock. The young ward was projected to be clear level above the rest of his male rivals on Team Believers and, based on the most recent performances from Team DoF's DoF, he is going to need to do just that if his squad is going to steal the points crown.
There are a couple key factors when projecting Flank's time. The first is his Georgian location (the state not the country). The heat there can be oppressive and, during Flank's last time trial, he made the bold decision to run when the sun was high in the sky. He also decided to run on what sounded like a blacktop track with spikes. Hopefully he can find an upgraded surface for this event. Lastly, Flank has a split focus to his training. He's been logging some pretty long stuff (he did 12 miles the other day which his collegiate coaching staff was too afraid to let him try) in preparation for races outside the Copper League and that could cost him those extra seconds of speed he needs to distance himself from the pack.
But the battle that everyone seems to be talking about is Luke vs. Ken. Although the pair are teammates, there is expected to be no love lost between these harriers. The rivalry began all the way back in 2011 when Luke's status as one of the top recruits made Ken quite angry. Although eventually the hype proved to be accurate, there was that one year that Ken made it inaccurate. Then things heated up even further when Luke began belittling Ken for his lack of PRing which motivated Ken to a big race at the Regional meet. Thankfully, no one was checking up on Luke's XC progression that season.
Now we are ready for the next exciting chapter in this story that even Mark Miller is like, maybe we should go back to talking about the good runners. You can make a strong argument that Ken and Luke are the closest they have ever been from a fitness perspective. Ken put together some strong short distance work, leading to a 10:08 3k. Meanwhile, Luke, who would probably want me to note here that he does not have access to a track, has been quietly strolling along documenting very ordinary runs. Does he have the speed needed for a 2k?
Up until recently, I've been leaning toward Ken as the favorite, but it recent weeks it seems that he may have lost some of his spark. Is it possible that once Ken dropped his 10:08 and proved to everyone he was decent at running again, his competitive fire smoldered a bit? That doesn't sound at all like something that would happen to him. Will this post drive Ken back into the head space he needs to come out on top for Team Believers? If this doesn't, I'm not sure what will.
Either way, the Ken vs. Luke rivalry should help benefit Team Believers in the final standings. But how much will it narrow that all important spread between themselves and the All-American Flank?
Start List
Fox, Believers
Josh, DoF
Oddsmakers
Fox vs. Josh (+65)
Fox vs. Frosh Josh @ Kutztown (9:54.07) (+0)
Josh Over/Under 11:00 (Over -375 / Under +250)
Narrative
Expectations for Josh coming into the Eagleton Copper League weren't necessarily high and things didn't take a turn for the better when he drew the 3,000 meters. That said, when the team's were derived he was slated at barely north of 200 points. So if he can manage 6 minute mile pace, he'll get the job done. The question is, can he manage 6 minute pace? If you ask him, he will say there is no possible way. But if you ask him what soup is you may get an equally nonsensical answer.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the coin is Fox. You can make a pretty good argument that Fox will score the most points out of anyone on the Believers team this weekend. If he runs 9:55 (only slightly quicker than his 9:57 this past week) than Charlie would need a 2:52 in the 1k to keep pace. If you've read our 1k preview then you know that maybe.
Fox has been training like a madman to get to this event and, if he arrives healthy, he will be ready to attack it with a vengeance. Meanwhile, Josh cut a 4 mile run into a 3.2 mile run. His latest workout was purposely mysterious, a 2 mile tempo with no details other than a shot at the rivals from Team Process. He's been blatantly antagonistic, something Fox will have to admire even from the opposing sideline.
Trying to hype this as the first chapter in a Josh vs. Fox rivalry doesn't seem like a worthwhile use of time (although you wouldn't know that based on Fox's largely glossed over smack talk). There's no doubt about who will cross the line first. As always in the Copper League it is a question of how will these two do against the points calculator. And that just seems like too much math to address here. Even for me.
PRESS RELEASE – AUGUST 24 2020
After detailed discussions with a number of bidders, the Copper League has officially finalized the locations for their three scheduled meetings in the fall of 2020. The locations are as follows:
September – Eagleton, Indiana
October – Birnin Zana, Wakanda
November – Zurich, Switzerland
Rumors
had been swirling in Athletics circles for weeks about strong interest coming
from Indiana about hosting one of the meetings. Muncie was the first city to
grab the committees attention, but Pawnee reportedly swept decision makers off
their feet with “one of the most thoroughly researched proposals ever seen”. The proposal architect was Pawnee’s
own Leslie Knope of the National Parks Department.
“Most people don’t show much enthusiasm for athletics and you would imagine in a town like Pawnee, with one of the most obese populations in human history, that passion would be minuscule,” says Copper League President Jarrett Felix. “But Leslie and I had a half hour conversation about who was better between Andrew Carey and Chris Stadler and that really knocked my socks off.”
Despite a strong desire from the Copper League to move forward with Pawnee, the two sides hit a number of snags during the initial planning phase. For starters, there was the infestation of Raccoons at the public track. Then, while league officials were setting up the rail, a man dressed only his underwear was lying in lane 4. But what really began to unnerve Copper League higher-ups was the Pawnee town halls-which featured vehement disdain for what many saw as a fascist decision by the Pawnee government.
“The government sponsoring for this meet is nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to force us to exercise and eat healthy,” Said one citizen. “This America and I have the right to eat a Paunch Burger between two Sweetum’s Candy Bars without being subjugated to thinking about other people running.”
“The outfits on display here with such short shorts and thin tops are very anti-Christian and this sort of event is not something our government can be allowed to condone,” says another Pawnee resident. “And that’s not even touching on some of the ‘friendship’-and most likely ‘quivering’-between these boys.”
Ultimately, as is the case with many things in life, the final decision came down to money. Eagleton swept in with a very impressive bid from Lindsay Carlisle Shay backed by former councilwoman/beauty pageant winner Ingrid De Forest. With Michael Buble available on retainer for the event and the provision that steeplechase pits could be filled with bottled water upon request, the Copper League found the deal enticing.
While Eagleton is technically a part of Pawnee, they try to keep as separate as possible given the differences in socio-economic status. The terms of the financial agreement specifically state that “Eagleton” must be listed as the host city rather than “Pawnee” or even “Pawnee-Eagleton”.
Negotiations were apparently much easier with the nation of Wakanda. Although the Copper League did not have the honor of meeting with the snap-tured King T’Challa, they did meet with some less distinguished delegates who seemed interested in hosting an athletics competition. Although it is not an Olympics or even a Starbucks, the Copper League does feature some fierce competitors with stakes much lower than, say, a war with aliens. Hopefully it will provide a much needed lift to a country that has been greatly depressed during the past two years.
The final meeting for the fall season, in which the championship will decided, will naturally be held in Zurich.
Believers in the process & Chuck
Nickname: Bucket
Tom McGuire Nickname: Charles!
Pro Comp: Ben True
Best IAAF Points Table PR: 15:30.73(i) – 752 points
Strengths: Strength, can run sub 27 off no training
Weaknesses: Weakness, cannot sustain training when going for sub 27
Charlie has somehow managed to look more physically impressive now than he ever did during his collegiate XC days. It’s impossible to not comment on how fit he looks when you see him, especially if you are Josh. However, there’s a giant elephant in the room at the Bucket house: Charlie has not had a healthy outdoor track season in a decade. Can he handle the immense pressures of the Copper League? Has he ever competed on a bigger stage than the prestigious Copper League? I don’t want to speculate, but yes.
Copper League Results
Team DoF
Nickname: Squid
Tom McGuire Nickname: Flank
Pro Comp: Evan Jager
Best IAAF Points Table PR: 9:02.48 – 984 points
Strengths: Toughness, Talent, Two-Time All American
Weaknesses: Atlanta heat, not a big proprietor of mileage
Flank is a likable fellow, very marketable to the masses as the face of the Copper League. But on the precipice of racing, there are many questions about the young boy’s fitness. He’s coming off injury and he hasn’t been logging 15 mile elliptical training sessions so people are curious if he’ll be fit enough to get the top point scoring position that he has been hyped for. But let’s be honest: even if he was carrying weights on his back, Flank is still too strong and too tough to not be well ahead of teammates Josh and Zach when action kicks off in September.
Copper League Results
Believers in the process & Chuck
Nickname: Smee
Tom McGuire Nickname: Foxy
Pro Comp: Woody Kincaid
Best IAAF Points Table PR: 10:29.97 – 517 points
Strengths: His Strava speaks for itself
Weaknesses: Gross feet pictures, Impulse to explain his jokes
If there’s anyone who is going to run PRs in the Copper League, it’s Fox. The guy has been training like a mad man over the past year or so and nobody can question his toughness. Further increasing his potential is the fact that he is teamed with Kenny, his muse and his stimulus. But the most important element that Fox is expected to bring to the circuit is rivalries. He will smack talk anyone, even his own teammates and keep social media buzzing about the action on and off the track.
Copper League Results
Believers in the process & Chuck
Nickname: Train
Tom McGuire Nickname: King
Pro Comp: Bryce Hoppel
Best IAAF Points Table PR: 1:58.94 – 787 points
Strengths: Cares way too much about stupid things like this
Weaknesses: Peaked in 2012, not a doubler, eyesight
The commissioner of the Copper League has spent more time writing player profiles than running in the past week. That said, before he shut things down for a brief respite, he was running times that were almost as good as his wife as a sophomore in college. So ….. Train is a cerebral athlete and he uses his mind power to overthink his time trial performances, but he also has the ability to get super excited and nervous so that the adrenaline is pumping for what most people consider a meaningless time trial. Call me crazy, but that may be his biggest advantage within the confines of the circuit.
Copper League Results
Team DoF
Nickname: Kid
Tom McGuire Nickname: Zach
Pro Comp: Ben Blankenship
Best IAAF Points Table PR: 4:03.87 – 809 points
Strengths: Savvy racer, inspiring training partner
Weaknesses: Splintered ankle, weighs approximately 240 pounds
Josh enters the Copper League quite unimpressively, but his team is hoping that his pre-league 5k time trial is more of a “Moravian 1500” than an “entire freshman year of cross country”. There’s no doubt the guy is a good racer with a great reputation, but the Copper League is built around a principle of solo-time trialing so that may give the casual fan pause. Personally, I think the Kid is going to be the most improved runner over the course of the Copper League season and may end up the metaphorical swing vote in the Red Team’s bid for history. If I’m wrong, you can expect that his teammates will be calling for his girlfriend to take his place. #sub8.
Copper League ResultsBelievers in the process & Chuck
Nickname: KWohlabear
Nickname for Tom McGuire: Grandma
Pro Comp: Andy Bayer
Best IAAF Points Table PR: 10:10.67 – 723 points
Strengths: Just ran a 10:08 3k Time Trial which Luke Humphrey says is worth 17:25, split a 2:01 once
Weaknesses: The steeplechase stole much of his will to fight and he is only just now regaining that ability
Ken has recently emerged as the rising star of the Copper League. After a serious surgery, he has returned to a surprising level of fitness that few of his rivals can hope to match. In the past month, KWohl’s “S” shaped body has stood for “speed” and he’s clocked 200s and 400s at the fastest speeds on the circuit. But Ken does his best running when he feels underappreciated relative to Luke, so I’d like to state for the record that Luke has a better re-reading book series podcast than him and he hasn’t PRed in 5 years. That ought to do it.
Copper League Results
Believers in the process & Chuck
Nickname: Puke
Tom McGuire Nickname: Onion
Pro Comp: Chris Derrick (pre-marathon training)
Best IAAF Points Table PR: 32:36.26 / 4:09.49 – 746 points
Strengths: Fearless, not afraid to lay it all on the line for a fast time
Weaknesses: Fearless, not afraid to lay it all on the line for a fast time
If there’s one thing we know about Luke, it’s that he doesn’t have a track near his house. But if there is a second thing we know about Luke, it’s that he is a guy who likes to push the pace. He is aggressive and will stick his nose in it to give his team a chance at victory. No one can say he is afraid of committing (well … in a running sense anyway). In many ways, this kid is the total package as he’s got the strength to post strong long distance performances, but a deceptive level of speed for those middle distance races.
Team DoF
Nickname: Young Nicki Money
Tom McGuire Nickname: Mrs. King
Pro Comp: Karissa Schweizer
Best IAAF Points Table PR: 4:36.76 – 928 points
Strengths: Experience, range, makes an excellent banana bread
Weaknesses: None
Call me biased, but Nicki is my favorite runner in the entire Copper League. As the only female on the circuit, there will be some big pressure on her in the relays, but individually she looks poised to challenge for the top overall point scorer. She’s stayed closest to her peak college years (which were pretty formidable), but she’s not the kind of runner who sits back and rests on past merits. She’s got grit, she’s got sass and she is out there to kick some … butt.
Copper League Results
Team DoF
Copper League Results
Here is a link to the IAAF scoring calculator for reference in comparing events. Note that, in my opinion, the IAAF table seems to score shorter events better than longer events so keep that information in mind
